TRUE BLOOD SEASON 1 QUOTE
| SPOKEN BY
| EPISODE
| ADDED BY
|
| "You're wearing gold pants!" | Jason to Lafayette | Ep. 103: Mine | Maharet |
| "Someone needs to get down on my Johnson." | Liam to anyone (Janella did the deed) | Ep. 103: Mine | Jajita81♥Bill,
Evangeline True* |
| "Bill, you were just licking blood out of my head. I don't think it gets much more personal than that." | Sookie | Ep. 102: The First Taste | krazy4bill |
| "I'm not so sure you even have another side; you no account backwoods trash!" | Sookie | Ep. 101: Strange Love | mama77 |
| "Don't say UH-OH! Vampires do NOT say UH-OH!" | Sookie | Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House | abnormalpeep |
| "Take your clip out? May I? I can smell the sunlight on your skin." | Bill | Ep. 102: The First Taste | krazy4bill |
"Oh, but you have many other very juicy arteries. There's one in the groin that's a particular favorite of mine."
| Bill | Ep. 101: Strange Love | Bill'sGirl |
"Sookie, this is very strange."
| Bill | Ep. 102: The First Taste | Dimmplzz |
| "You're dumber than a box o' hair, and now you can't even get it up?" | Dawn | Ep. 103: Mine | krazy4bill |
"Giving Jason Stackhouse vampire blood is like giving Ho-Hos to a diabetic. You know he can't control himself."
| Tara | Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | allenb86 |
| "'Scuse me. Who ordered the hamburger... with AIDS? In this restaurant, a hamburger deluxe comes with french fries, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and AIDS! Do anyone got a problem wit dat? Aw baby, it's too late for that. Faggots been breeding your cows, raisin' your chickens, even brewin' your beer long before I walked my sexy ass up in this mother f***er. Everything on your God damn table got aids. Well all you gots to do is say hold the aids here. Eat it! Bitch, you come into my house ,you gonna eat the food THE WAY I F***IN' MAKE IT! Do you understand me? Tip your waitress." | Lafayette | Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | allenb86 |
"Tell me, Sheriff, were any of these unfortunate women found exsanguinated? Were they completely drained of their blood? Because, a fresh corpse, full of blood, would be irresistible to any vampire. (licks his lips!) I dare say, not even I..."
| Bill to
Bud & Andy | Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | Maharet |
| "I've got gout... of the dick!" | Jason to Lafayette | Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House | michellear23 |
| "FANGtasia?" | Sookie to Bill | Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House | peacelovetrueblood |
| "This isn't the time or the place for you to be marking your territory." | Bill to Sam | Ep. 106: Cold Ground | laurrel |
| "Vampires are always in some kind of trouble. I prefer to be in it with you." | Bill to Sookie | Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House | Bill_Compton's_Grrrl,
krazy4bill |
| "You's a stupid bitch, Jason Stackhouse." | Lafayette | Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | jay.dee29
|
"If she talked any more shit, she'd look like a turd."
| Lafayette
| Ep. 106: Cold Ground | pellia
|
| "'Suppose she gets pregnant. How can she nurse a baby with fangs?" | Arlene
| Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | allenb86
|
| "Come on. I'll show my weiner on your website." | Jason to Lafayette
| Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | gunnison
|
"Go on and do it! I want you to bite me."
| Sookie to Bill
| Ep. 106: Cold Ground | gunnison
|
"Sookie is mine!"
| Bill to Liam, Malcolm & Diane
| Ep. 103: Mine | gunnison
|
Sookie: "So, how do I look?"
Bill:"You look like vampire bait.
Sookie: "So, you're saying I look nice?"
| Sookie & Bill
| Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House | gunnison
|
"Bill, this is not a date. Ok. I'm for real. It is NOT a date."
| Sookie to Bill
| Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House | gunnison
|
"May I call on you sometime?"
| Bill to Sookie
| Ep. 101: Strange Love | gunnison
|
"It's huge and purple. It the size of an eggplant."
| ER doctor to Jason
| Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House | gunnison
|
| "Mainstreaming's for pussies." | Liam | Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | GrizzlyGirly |
Tara: "Nothing says 'I'm sorry' like a tuna cheese casserole."
Lafayette: "Another one?" | Tara & Lafayette | Ep. 106: Cold Ground | pleasebiteme |
| "Don't you need a ouija board and some chicken bones?" | Tara | Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | deedeelight |
"I just paid four hundred dollars to watch you drown a possum."
| Tara
| Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | LafayetteFan
|
| "Maybe I'm just... unboyfriendable." | Tara | Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | jajita81♥bill |
| "You're just as f***ed up as your bus!" | Tara to Jeanette
| Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | i_am_his |
| "You think about whatever you think about. You're safe as long as you're with me." | Bill to Sookie | Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love |
|
Bill:"Yes, you're Sookie's employer."
Sam: "Not when we're off the clock."
Bill:"No, technically, you still are."
| Bill & Sam
| Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | fanbloodytastic
|
| "I can bring you back to life." | Bill | Ep. 101: Strange Love | Jsmith |
| "I always look forward to Monday nights. First I watch Heroes, then I have you." | Eddie to Lafayette | Ep. 108: The Fourth Man In The Fire | VampObsession |
| "Look. It's a possum prick." | Terry Bellefleur | Ep. 108: The Fourth Man In The Fire | deedeelight |
Maxine's thoughts as overheard by Sookie:
"I heard they almost cut off her head. I don't see any blood. Should have got here sooner. Maybe I should have brought my red velvet cake instead." | Maxine Fortenberry
(in regards to Adele's death) | Ep. 106: Cold Ground | Evangeline True* |
| "What the f*** is it with white people and jello? Sookie don't need no bad ju ju cookin'. Smell this. You can smell the fear and nastiness coming up off that kern-bread." | Lafayette to Tara | Ep. 106: Cold Ground | Evangeline True* |
| "You think that it's not magic that keeps you alive? Just 'cause you understand the mechanics of how something works, doesn't make it any less of a miracle, which is just another word for magic. We're all kept alive by magic, Sookie. My magic's just a little different from yours, that's all." | Bill to Sookie | Ep. 103: Mine | satiricalgem |
"You cannot check me out like a library book!"
| Sookie
| Ep. 108: The Fourth Man In The Fire | satiricalgem
|
| "Lift the ribeye. Let me see what we're dealing with." | Tara | Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House |
|
| "I am the worst brother in the world." | Jason | Ep. 108: The Fourth Man In The Fire | dc |
Sookie: "Why should I continue seeing you?"
Bill: "Because you will never find a human man you can be yourself with." | Sookie & Bill | Ep. 103: Mine | Eresa61 |
| "And the beauty and the tragedy of it is... that you don't know just how different you are." | Bill to Sookie | Ep. 108: The Fourth Man In The Fire | Eresa61 |
| "I just want to lick your mind!" | Jason to Amy | Ep. 108: The Fourth Man In The Fire | Tereana |
| "No darlin' we're white. He's dead." | Arlene to Coby | Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | PWeber |
| "I shoulda known somethin' wasn't right. The second you walked into my life carrying that big bag of crazy. 'Cause any woman with a purse that big is bound ta have somethin' I don't wanna know about." | Jason to Amy | Ep. 109: Plasir D'Amour | BillsBaybeGurl1,
Billsbite |
| "Humans... honestly Bill, I don't know what you see in them." | Eric to Bill | Ep. 109: Plasir D'Amour | vrai sang |
| "Oh, I'm not here for money. I'm here for Sookie." | Bill to Bartlett | Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | Swamp~Vamp |
| "Discrimination against vampires is punishable by law in the great state of Louisiana. Personally, I don't give a f***. But I AM THIRSTY." | Malcolm | Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | Swamp~Vamp |
Bill: "Tell me, do you enjoy livin' halfway up his backside the way you do?"
Pam: "Yes, it's nice. You should try it sometime." | Bill & Pam | Ep. 109: Plasir D'Amour | lovyan |
| "Y'all excuse us. I need Sookie upstairs. Just give us a little girl time. Come on Lafayette." | Tara | Ep. 106: Cold Ground | deedeelight |
| "$799.95 and a couple or rums on the house." | Jeanette to Tara
| Ep. 109: Plasir D'Amour | vraiSang |
Pam: "If I was a human, I would get chills right about now."
Eric: "Not me." | Pam & Eric | Ep. 109: Plasir D'Amour | Belair17 |
Pam: "There's vampire in your cleavage."
Sookie: "Oh, eww! "
Pam: "Here let me get that for you." | Pam & Sookie
| Ep. 109: Plasir D'Amour | Billsbite,
lovyan
|
| "Oh, this aint rude. This is upitty. THAT'S FOR PATTIN' MY ASS TO MUCH! IMA GET MY BABY DADDY, WHO JUST GOT OUTTA PRISON, TO COME KICK YOUR TEEF IN!" | Tara | Ep. 101: Strange Love | Mrs.JStackhouse |
| "I know every man, whether straight, gay, or George mother-f***in’ Bush, is terrified of the p***y." | Lafayette to Sookie & Arlene | Ep. 101: Strange Love | bills_dark_vixen |
| "You don't need any help to look like a fool." | Adele to Jason | Ep. 102: The First Taste |
|
Sookie: "Oh, they’re just staring at me because my brother’s in some kind of trouble with the police. But Bill, did you know Maudette Pickens?"
Bill: "I did not. They are staring at us, because I am a vampire, and you are mortal." | Sookie & Bill
| Ep. 101: Strange Love | billcomptonsnext |
Lafayette: "Hey, hooker. How you doin’? What you doin’ here?"
Tara: "I work here."
Lafayette: "Oh, no, the hell you don’t."
Tara: "Oh, yes, the hell I do too, you ugly bitch. You need to make peace with that."
| Lafayette & Tara
| Ep. 102: The First Taste | ThatLady
|
"Your hair is like a sunset after a bomb went off! Pretty."
| Terry to Arlene
| Ep. 112: You'll Be The Death Of Me | jypsijones |
| "If we reach out to one another, we can coexist and even thrive together." | Bill to the Descendents of the Glorious Dead | Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | annapaquin67 |
| "No! No! No! There are rules!" | Bill to Jessica | Ep. 111: To Love Is To Bury | aemac1 |
| "Hug yer neck!" | Arlene to Terry | Ep. 112: You'll Be The Death of Me | ThatLady |
| "I want to kill people. I’m so hungry, and all you do is talk, and I’m starving. You’re so mean! You're supposed to take care of me. That’s what you said. And, oh, you SUCK! hahahahahahahaha That’s funny because you Do suck." | Jessica to Bill
| Ep. 111: To Love Is To Bury | kalimaldita
|
| "You're the worst maker EVER!" | Jessica to Bill | Ep. 111: To Love Is To Bury | kalimaldita |
| ''Puto, pendejo, de mierda. It's in Spanish, and it sounds funny as hell." | Tara to Lafayette | Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out |
Layza M. |
| "There are favors, and then there are FAVORS." | Eric to Bill | Ep. 112: You'll Be The Death Of Me | enigma1204 |
"Man up my friend. She's only one night old."
| Eric to Bill
| Ep. 111: To Love Is To Bury | idreamoferic
|
"Don't blame the Ferrari just because yo' ass can't drive."
| Lafayette to Jason | Ep. 103: Mine | Anita_Blake11 |
"I know every man, whether straight, gay, or George mutha" f**king Bush, is terrified of the p***y. "
| Lafayette to Dawn, Arlene, and Sookie | Ep. 102: The First Taste | Anita_Blake11 |
If you're gona accuse me of lying, be a man and say it out loud for pete's sake. Either way im gona hear you, whether you look me in the eye or not. Lets face it, theres not a whole lotta ideas in there. Like mice in a cage. I know youre grasping at straws, but dont drag my borther down with you."
| Sookie to Andy Bellfleur in Merlottes Bar after talking to Tara
| Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | kyla.peters
|
"He kissed you?" "That's none of your business." "WHat else did you do?" "That's really none of your business"
| Sam and Sookie on their "date" after the DGD
| Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | kyla.peters
|
"Bitch, you come in my house, you eat my food the way i f***ing make it! You understand me? Tip your waitress."
| Lafayette
| Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | kyla.peters
|
"My life sucks so much ass"
| Jason
| Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | kyla.peters
|
"First, i get hauled in by the cops. Then, i gotta let a dud drain my Johnson. Thats a f*** of a day"
| Jason
| Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | kyla.peters
|
"Are you asking me out?" "Yeah...thats pretty much how i do it. Sometimes they even say yes."
| Sookie and Sam
| Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | kyla.peters
|
"Sookie, you've got no future with a vampire." "They cant die, ive got nothing but a future with one."
| Sookie and Sam
| Ep. 105: Sparks Fly Out | kyla.peters
|
"That boy is sex on a stick!"
| Lafayette
| Ep. 102: The First Taste | Pam_in_pastels
|
"Oh lover, you gonna make me clutch my pearls."
| Lafayette to Jason
| Ep. 103: Mine | Blonde Vamperv
|
| "You never called me back. Now if I remembered what feelings were, mine might be hurt." | Malcom to Bill | Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love |
BITTENBYBILL |
Doctor: "We need to aspirate. I need to drain the blood out of your penis."
Tara: "Okay, I'll leave you to it!"
Jason: *grabbing Tara's arm* "Where're you goin'?"
Tara: "Look, I would admit to sometimes having a sick curiosity about medical shit, but I ain't that fucking curious?" | ER doctor, Jason & Tara | Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House | Vampalicious |
"What the f*** is it with white people and Jello?"
| Lafayette to Tara
| Ep. 106: Cold Ground | The Helltress,
bill1862 |
"Oh my f***ing God, girl! This is about to get ugly."
| Lafayette to Tara at Gran's funeral
| Ep. 106: Cold Ground | The Helltress
|
Pam: "Does your mama know you're here?"
Jason: "My mama's dead."
Pam: "So am I." | Jason trying to get into Fantasia | Ep. 107: Burning House Of Love | Bookreader9999 |
| "Do it. I want you to." | Sookie To Bill | Ep. 106: Cold Ground | BiteMeBill42 |
"F*** me? I'll f*** you, boy. I'll f*** ya and then I'll eat ya."
| redneck vampire to guy at the Grabbit Quick
| Ep. 101: Strange Love | ElizabethCrowley
|
Eric: "Are you quite attached to your friend?"
Bill: "She is mine."
Eric: "What a pity. For me." |
Eric and Bill |
Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House |
iLoveEric! |
| "I've got gout... of the dick!" | Jason to Lafayette | Ep. 104: Escape From Dragon House | iLoveEric! |
| "You just shut your nasty mouth mister. You might be a vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady that I am." | Sookie to Bill
| Ep. 101: Strange Love | Cassi090
|
| "Well, if you're their poster boy, the mainstreaming movement is in deep trouble. Tru-Blood: It'll keep you alive, but it will bore you to DEATH." | Eric to Bill | Ep. 109: Plasir D'Amour | iLoveEric! |
Bill: "I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human."
Pam: "Thank you." | Bill & Pam | Ep. 111: To Love Is To Bury | iLoveEric! |
Sookie: "Are you sure? She WAS a woman."
Jason: "Well, at least she was human." | Sookie & Jason | Ep. 102: The First Taste | MidnightFang |
| "I am vampire." | Bill to Sookie | Ep. 107: Burning House of Love | LadyNorthman |
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