Chapter 108 not rated

We were on our way to Shreveport in Bill’s car—Bill had said we had to tell Eric I had been brought over—all new vamps in the US had to be registered, and all vamps entering Eric’s territory had to check in with Eric. Bill was playing a CD of Celtic fiddle music. He loved music from all over the world, some of it downright weird.

“Bill, I need to ask you something,” I said watching the road roll by, “even though I may not like the answer at all.”

Bill reached over to gently squeeze my knee, that simple gesture letting me know I could ask him anything.

“Well, you know how you said that you and Lorena stayed together for a long time? Years and years?”

I felt Bill tense up, but he nodded.

“And you know how Sophie-Anne had Andre and Sigebert and Wybert with her for even longer?”

I felt Bill relax—he knew where this was going now, but he waited for me to speak.

“So, am I going to be able to stay with you? Or will I have to leave?”

I knew from conversations with Pam that most vampires did not stay with their makers. If their makers called them, they had no choice but to respond, but typically vampires did not get along over lengthy periods of time. Eric had told me that when vampires traded blood on a regular basis, they gained a lot of power over each other, and vamps were typically too wary of one another to allow that to happen.

“I don’t know the complete answer,” Bill said very quietly.

I leaned over to turn the music down and face him. “But you know more than I do. I have no idea what to expect. Will I want to leave you?”

“I don’t know,” Bill said, his voice thick with emotion.

“Will… will you want me to leave?”

“Never!” Bill practically spat.

I reached over and rubbed Bill’s shoulder—it was hard as granite—and traced his clenched jaw with my finger. “Bill, I love you. And I know you love me.” As I said this, I could feel Bill’s love flowing off him and covering me like the softest, warmest blanket. “But I’m not asking about love. I want to know what will happen: will we drive each other crazy? Will we grow to mistrust each other?”

“I would like to believe we put that behind us,” Bill murmured.

“Bill,” I sighed. This was not at all easy—Bill and I had a history of communicating poorly. But I needed to know what I was in for, plus I truly wanted to stay with Bill. “Okay. Pam told me that Eric was very fair with her—he let her go her own way, and only called on her when he needed her help—that he was good (Bill snorted when I used the word ‘good’ in relation to Eric) about not making a lot of uncomfortable demands.

“But she also said that they had sex a lot at first, and that they stayed together for years before she struck off on her own. And that she was glad when he called her back.

“What I guess I’m asking is: what sort of maker are you, Bill?”

Bill was silent for minutes. I could feel a jumble of thoughts and emotions washing off of him, too tangled to sort out. There was love and irritation and confusion and fear, and all sorts of in-between things, too. I listened to the tires hum on the highway; with my new vampire hearing, I could find musical frequencies where the rubber met the road. I gave Bill the time he needed—I had all the time in the world.

What he said was not what I was expecting.

“My maker did not turn me in love. She picked me because I was ‘a gentleman.’ She must have known that no matter how my turning hurt me, no matter how much I missed my family and my life, no matter what horrors awaited me as a newly-turned vampire in 19th century America, I would do the right thing.”

I wanted so much to ask what the right thing was, but I sensed that Bill had to tell this story in his own way—and he did seem to HAVE to tell me this story (Bill had left me when I was human to answer her call; she wanted to get her greedy little hands on his research project, because she knew it would be a very powerful weapon in the vampire community. She had tortured him to get information about his project, but when he would not give it up, she tried to find out about me, I suppose so she could use me to get to him.

I found Bill. I killed her.)

“You said Pam told you Eric let her go her own way?”

I nodded.

“Lorena was not like Eric. She kept me with her when we irritated each other, and when we enraged each other. She did it simply because she could.”

“You told me she fascinated you.” I could not keep the hurt entirely out of my voice, and Bill could certainly detect it in my heart.

“Oh yes. Not because she was attractive—although I guess she was in an old-fashioned way—but because her particular talent was overwhelming glamour.”

“Our glamour works on each other?” I was surprised.

“Hers did. I learned over time that other vampires did not trust her because of it. And they did not trust me because of her.”

I almost laughed at that, “Trust doesn’t seem to be a vampire trait in general.”

Bill threw me a glare, but he knew I was right.

“Finally I got fed up (I almost giggled at the bad pun—what was happening to my sense of humor?) at not being able to be around my own kind; we had not come out to the world, and did not mix much with humans. There were things I wanted to experience and see and learn about, and she was constantly vigilant lest I stray. We were at each other’s throats (I did giggle, then quickly said, “Sorry, please go on.”) and I was beginning to think I’d have to kill her to get away.

“My release seemed just as sudden as when she turned me: she found another human ‘gentleman’ to turn and her thrall dropped from me overnight. I was free for the first time since becoming a vampire.”

“It sounds terrible, Bill.”

“In some ways, it certainly was. She was very clever, very sexual (a tiny gasp escaped me, and my beloved spared me the recognition of it), and because she took my blood regularly, she became very powerful. There were times when I enjoyed her company and was glad she had turned me. But years of her cruelty and obsession wore me down.”

“Why are you telling me all this?”

“You asked what kind of maker I will be—I hope in the story of my own making you can see that I am not like Lorena.”

I nodded, and let him feel my appreciation for that fact.

“And I am not like Eric. I am who I am. And I don’t know what kind of maker I will be, but I know that I love you more than anything I’ve ever known. I want to protect you and teach you and learn from you and keep you with me for as long as…” Bill heaved a big sigh and continued, “…for as long as you want to stay. And when you are ready to leave, know that I will not stand in your way.”

I sank into my thoughts and let the silence fill the car. I didn’t want to leave Bill—just the reverse—I wanted to be with him always. I loved the time we spent together when I was human (well, the part before Lorena tried to steal him from me and the Queen of Louisiana tried to make him use me) and being together with him again filled me with happiness. A lot had happened to me in the couple of years I’d known Bill and one of the few good things that had happened WAS Bill.

Speaking of whom, my vampire’s anxiety at my extended silence was filling the car.

Often in my history with Bill, I had said things in haste or just plain wrong-headedness; I did not want to do that now.

“Honey, I am so happy to be with you. I can’t imagine a time when I will be unhappy about it.”

When Bill spoke, even with my vamp hearing, I could barely pick his words apart from the road noise. “There have been many times when you were unhappy about me.”

“True. But, as you have said to me, I am not that human anymore. Just as I first wanted you to kiss me, wanted you to take my virginity (the tenderness flowing off Bill at my words was breathtaking), wanted you to bite me, I wanted you to bring me over.

“I know you love me an awful lot—I can feel it—I want to love you like that. I hope I can. If vampires can pray, I will pray that I can. I want to be with you forever.”

For a split second, I thought Bill was driving off the road, then I realized we had reached Fangtasia and Bill was pulling into a parking space. With vampire speed, he reached for me and pulled me right up against him, holding me rib-crushingly tight. He covered my hair and face and shoulders with kisses. I was sure he was going to bite me, and my own blood was surging toward his extraordinary mouth…